Virtual Lens of Exposure: Color Images from Second Bodies (2009)

Please scroll down for Figure 1 - 7.

Figure 1. Second Bodies (Sandra Danilovic 2009) still image of Inspire SpacePark sim inside Second Life.

Figure 2. Second Bodies (2009): Images on left are VR (virtual reality); images on right are RL ("real-life").

Figure 3. Online/offline identities: Second Bodies (2009) stills of documentary subject Annette Smith in real-life (left), and her avatar (right) in Second Life.

Figure 4. Filmmaker-subject’s avatar in Second Bodies (2009): representation of a fragmented self-image.

Figure 5. Second Bodies (2009) footage of filmmaker's avatar committing virtual suicide in Second Life.

Figure 6. Second Bodies (2009) stills of Michele Gardner’s avatar romancing her real life ex-boyfriend’s avatar in Second Life. 

Figure 7. Second Bodies (2009) stills. Color can be an aesthetic consideration when filming Machinima. 

Disability and Second Life

I have just begun the task of contacting individuals who may be able to help me with my thesis project and documentary on the use of Second Life and 3-D virtual worlds by people with disabilities. Ironically, I am dealing with my own issue -an inner ear infection (labyrinthitis) which has recurred and is causing me vertigo every time I stand up, walk or move.

I would like to explore why individuals are drawn to virtual worlds and how these worlds help persons with both hidden and overt disabilities. How do virtual worlds aid in the process of communication, socialization, education and other goals or activities in life? Do disabled persons use virtual worlds as tools of freedom -in being, existing, communicating, socializing and so forth without the baggage of real life encounters?

What are the implications of 3-D virtual worlds in terms of future use and the better integration of the disabled community into society? Are people with disabilities still on the margins of society? Why are they not represented better in the media? What are some of the stigmas associated with being disabled and how are these stigmas challenged in virtual reality worlds? Some questions I will be researching this semester.

Koukla Aziza: Belly-Dancer of Greektown

Pre-Interview with Anne Kokot

This afternoon I met and pre-interviewed Anne Kokot at Gabby's on Danforth Avenue. Three hours, fifteen pages of notes and a myriad of impressions later, I am officially writing to say that "Aziza" or Koukla as she is affectionately called by Greeks, will be our main subject for our short video on remembering the Danforth. She is a woman in her 50's, expressive, gregarious and very engaging.

Anne's life experience has unspooled in Greektown over the past 40 years since her teenage years. She considers herself part of Greek culture despite the fact that her background is English and Ukrainian. She "hates" Ukrainian music and has always felt alienated from her own culture. Her heart and home have always been in Greektown on the Danforth, she says.

She started dancing when she was a child and auditioned many times for the CBC (who wanted a Marilyn impersonation from her, but she delivered Salome instead) and other old-fart institutions, only to be rejected multiple times. One magic night she found her calling when she went to a bar, The Blue Orchid (formerly on Bloor Street, now known as Lee's Palace) where her destiny was set; she swiveled her hips on a whim, only to be whisked backstage, strapped into a belly-dancing costume and pushed onto the stage to dance. The blue-eyed, blonde and nymph-like 17 year old transformed into the electric belly-dancer AZIZA, on the spot (and the previous in-house belly-dancer was given the boot.) Aziza would become her official stage name.

What followed was a vibrant belly-dancing career at such authentic Greek restos and bouzouki bars on the Danforth like The Nereida (1974-1977, photo above and left). The name refers to the nereid sea nymphs from Greek mythology. The Nereida was a landmark in Greektown, the place to go that offered the works: full-piece orchestra and imported singers from the old country.
Trojan Horse and Esperides were authentic middle-of-the-night Greek coffee houses where Anne danced in the basements to "Opa!" Here, "you could smell the Greek coffee all night long."

Anne eloquently yet simply described the transformation of Danforth Avenue from authentic Greek culture and food to commercialized, heterogenized strip with a faint hint of the past - a superficial mask for what was once present but is now preserved in human memory and private archival collections. Places like Quinta, on Logan Ave. were posh, expensive dining rooms which brought the best entertainers and musicians from Greece. All gone. The human memory as a living, malleable and personal archive is pertinent in this case.

On the Danforth in the 70's and 80's, the nightlife was in full swing - "nothing would start until 10pm." "At 2am you would crawl from one intersection to the next (it was so crowded), it was exciting, and in the summer with all the windows of the restaurants open, you would hear the Greek singers and their voices" as you passed by. There was also The Byzantium, an oregano- infused "greasy spoon" where they served luscious Greek cuisine at 2am in the morning, dripping vegetables and eggplant and rich moussakas, all home-made for $4.

Aziza would dance and dance on one stage after another and Greek men would swoon while Greek women would shatter glasses in front of her onstage and shout "Koukla!" (Doll)

Today, everybody recognizes Anne and when asked if she has ever visited Greece, she proclaims "I feel like I've lived in Greece, I feel like I've already been there."

Finally, "the death of the Danforth" and authentic Greektown came with the opening of McDonalds on Broadview and Danforth, a controversial event in the community whose members protested to no avail. Soon thereafter the other fast food franchises (Wendy's, Swiss Chalet) elbowed in, and finally, the nail in the coffin - gentrification, kicked out many Greek businesses due to increased rents. The first generation of immigrant business owners also grew older and moved away to the suburbs. And the authentic Greek bouzouki bars transformed into today's ubiquitous sushi bars.

Anne's scrapbook of memorabilia and photos embody her experiences and stories. Her exotic belly-dancer costumes still linger at the back of her closet. And her son Donovan takes after her with a passion for Greek bouzouki music.

A formal on-camera interview with Anne is scheduled this Sunday, November 9th at her home in the Danforth area.

looking for leads (subjects) on the Danforth

Have called several people this past week on leads for subjects: Donovan from Elite Music gave us his mom's number who used to belly-dance at all the bouzouki bars on the Danforth. I spoke with Fotios Sarris, one of my professors at Ryerson for his suggestions since he is of Greek background.

Fotios recommended Peter Demas, a filmmaker from Greektown who has possibly made films about growing up on the Danforth. Oops, just found out from Fotios that Peter has no life experience on the Danforth. Too bad.

Also came across a feminist poet/fiction writer by the name of Margaret Christakos who has written a book called "Charisma", some of it reflecting scenes from the Danforth (butcher shops and lusting after butcher boys.) Great, sensual writing, can we incorporate her in some way?

I have a pre-interview scheduled with Anne Kokot this Saturday, Donovan's mother.

ALSO: Aaron and I went digging at the City of Toronto Archives.

FOUND: Less than 10 photos of the Danforth and a published book with photos on the area (book was published by the Toronto Library Board.)

Gender-Bending and Identity in Virtual Worlds

Virtual Worlds and Avatars

My double-avatar experiences in Second Life have been an interesting exercise in identity, a quest for belonging (to a group, people, gender or place) and a surreal journey through the world of virtual reality that has proven to be mostly disengaging and alienating, at least in the time spent there so far. I created two opposite avatars, opposite in that my first avatar, Satvva Constantine, is female, like me. My second avatar, Forrestfall Tharnaby, is a male. I will further elaborate on each avatar experience below, but suffice to say now that my second avatar, (alter ego, male character) was the better experience and proved to bring better results despite the fact that it was more stressful “acting” as that avatar’s chosen image, persona and constructed identity.

SATVVA CONSTANTINE: AVATAR # 1
Sattva Constantine is an elfish, female warrior-like character that I created first in Second Life. I felt the avatar choices I was given in Second Life were limited, and the appearance of my chosen avatar (amongst the other female choices I had) was probably most loyal to my fantasy figure or character –a strong, elfish, spiritual, child-like female figure who reflects those warrior-like, spiritual qualities in her physical appearance and/or dress.

I also feel that in Second Life, I automatically defaulted to my fantasy image of who I should be, irrespective of the fact that consciously, I did not want to create someone who looked like a stereotype of some kind. Creating Satvva, I even chose a name that reflects or reminds one of Eastern-world, yogic, Hindu influences because those influences shape who I aspire to be right now in my first life. Satvva is inspired by the word sattva, which in Sanskrit means “purity”, “existence” and “reality.” Satvva Constantine is a symbolic figure I aspire to in my real life; she is a metaphor for my desires, a foil for my fears, hence her image, dressed in a samurai-inspired cape, a long ponytail, green eyes, and elfish boots and gloves. The only object missing is some kind of a weapon, perhaps a sword? (I must go and find one now.)

SATVVA’S JOURNEYS
The journey Satvva embarked on to discover who she is, where she belongs and who are her friends in this Second Life was fraught with difficulty and insecurity because I (as Satvva) was looking for a place where essentially, I could be myself, Sandra. I felt I needed to look for places where I as both Satvva and Sandra could fit in and could have fun, be creative and assert my creative nature and meet like-minded individuals, just as in real life. I tried searching for diverse places based on search words that incorporate my preferences (or likes) in real life (coffee, café, yoga, mystic, beach, jazz, movies, film, French, China, etc.) and perhaps even refer to my own ethnic background and language fluency (Macedonian, Serbian, French.)

Some of the places I visited were: Amity Island, Alice Through the Looking Glass, various other clubs (some Francophone, hoping to strike up a conversation in French), shopping malls, and bars, islands and beaches, Seven Days Magic Bakery, Mystic Academy, and Japan Resort for Campers. I even visited a Greek Orthodox and Serbian Orthodox Church, because I was curious to see who goes there (obviously religious-minded individuals who need to worship in Second Life as equally as in their first lives.)

Immediately upon arrival, my first goal was to find someone to chat with, which proved to be the most difficult exercise in Second Life because most of the time, other avatars ignored me and/or did not reply to my greetings. I felt rejected, lonely and frustrated as Satvva Constantine, because essentially, I was playing myself, Sandra, and speaking to others as I would in my first life. This search for an identity in Second Life was really a search for others’ affirmation of that chosen, fantasy identity of female, elf-warrior that was a metaphor for my own identity as Sandra. I wanted people to accept me for who I am (or who I aspire to be), as in real life (under the guise of a different name and appearance.)

I finally had a conversation with an avatar named Cosmic Susanowa from Tokyo, Japan at the Japan Resort for Campers. The conversation that ensued that Saturday evening, 7pm, Toronto time (8am Tokyo time), was surreal in that I couldn’t really gauge if Cosmic was talking to me because I was desperate to talk to someone and showed that desperation, or they were talking to me because they felt genuinely interested in me. The conversation was small talk, discussing fashion and our different time zones, asking for advice on how to take off my jacket (I felt inappropriately dressed at that resort with my big samurai cape) and just hanging out together in that empty space (nobody else was around.)
I felt inappropriate asking Cosmic where she is from (because I had no idea), or asking something too personal. I also could not gauge whether Cosmic was being herself/himself; even after the conversation, I felt I had talked to someone non-existent, not a real human being. I assumed she was female, loosely, because the avatar looked somewhat androgynous actually, but that is the extent of my impression. The conversation was too short to decipher and get to know Cosmic. I wish I had the opportunity to know her more, chat with her more, but again, I felt like I was overstaying my welcome.

Trying to speak to other avatars in Second Life felt unwelcome and uncomfortable, perhaps not unlike real life. But this experience of being someone in a virtual world left me feeling disengaged from others because I felt that I was invisible and that people were passing me by, ignoring me, not speaking to me, not replying to my greetings and questions similar to the worlds of instant messaging and online dating. The most disturbing aspect of SL was that I felt inhuman, because I felt others to be inhuman. Cosmic Susanowa was the only avatar a.k.a. human being to respond to my greeting, perhaps because in her/his world, people respond and say hello when they are spoken to. At this point, I felt I needed to change my avatar and hence my identity, perhaps even choose an alter ego to function better. The result was…

FORRESTFALL THARNABY: AVATAR # 2

Creating Forrestfall Tharnaby as my second avatar, or alter ego, was a better experience overall than Satvva, although more nerve-wracking due to the fact that I was “acting out” a male, groovy, pot-smoking, peace-loving ex-marine who perhaps fought in some American war and was ejected off his plane, landing in Second Life. Forrestfall is a guy who likes to chill and smoke pot, a man who uses “man” a lot in his colloquialisms, a guy who greets people with - “Hey Man, how’s it goin’ Man?” Forrestfall also observes life as is and comments without overthinking too much before he speaks (hence putting his foot in his mouth often.) He’s much more spontaneous than Satvva Constantine, he’s a guy and he’s unencumbered by all the neuroses and baggage that are part of Satvva, because Satvva is really Sandra. Forrestfall is Sandra’s alter ego, completely different from her in every way (Sandra has never fought in a war, she has never smoked pot and she’s the opposite of chill-seeking and relaxed.) Forrestfall has proven to be so much more than Satvva because I as Forrestfall can be someone who I am not, who I do not aspire to be and hence, there is nothing to lose.

I cannot feel as rejected as I did with Sattva, because Sattva was I, and Forrestfall is someone else whose shoes I am in momentarily. Forrestfall is the perfect character to be acting out in Second Life because I don’t have to be myself, even though, in essence I resort and default in the end to being myself because I feel tired of putting up an “act” for others. Forrestfall Tharnaby is the perfect paradox and contradiction of the quest for a different identity or alter ego because he takes on Satvva’s personality in the end, after striving to be someone diametrically opposite to that personality.

FORRESTFALL’S JOURNEYS
Forrestfall started out in Help Island and moved to other funky and interesting places such as islands, bars and clubs in order to meet someone. As Forrestfall, I was trying to chat up women and girls because I was a male who would address females as babes. This stereotype was easy to act out in one scenario and difficult in another which made for a complex and surreal journey through Second Life because I was living a fractured identity, trying to be someone I am not.
As Forrestfall, I was ignored and rejected every time I tried to communicate and greet other avatars. Lonely as I was as Forrestfall, I decided to check out a porn club, hoping that I could meet someone there. Visiting the porn island proved to be uneventful, and devoid of people (due to time zones differences perhaps.)

Finally, I chose a chill-out camping club (the name escapes me now) where avatars were lying around on blankets in front of tents and relaxing while the box full of pizza was there to be slowly eaten (in make-believe only). I greeted them with “Hey, man, whatsup?” and lo and behold, someone by the name of Grecia Braveheart talked back. Grecia is a Londoner, a female (because I have the nerve to ask her gender in real life) who says that SL “is just a giant 3-D chat room.” She makes me feel human because her language and voice on instant messaging is soft, welcoming, and accepting. The conversation that ensues between us involves tips on how to function in SL, how to look at people’s profiles, how to add people as friends. She adds me on as a friend and tells me that I can contact her anytime. I suspect she suspects I am a male in real life, just as I am in SL! I try to act as a male does, flirting ever so slightly. She winks at me to support my presumptions about how she feels about me.

I feel strangely liberated and I am reminded of gender as a social construct and how humans are constricted with respect to gender in real life. However, as the conversation continues, my colloquialisms and expressions start to disappear and Sandra’s (a.k.a. Satvva’s) personality and speech come through more often. I find myself getting anxious first, because I am trying to be a pot-smoking, ex-marine, who is a guy, and then second, my pseudo-identity as that male starts to crack and out comes the real me displaced on that male avatar. Grecia was somewhat confused because my persona as a male, peace-loving, pot-smoking, ex-marine-hippy was at times incongruous with my personality –expressed via my speech and choice of words/expressions. But, she accepted my fractured personality and identity nevertheless as her friend.

CONCLUSION
The avatar experience has been an experiment in identity, pseudo-identity and a subconscious exercise that harkens back to dreams and nightmares. After spending much time trying to talk to both females and males, my impression of Second Life is complex; at times, I feel that it is a realm where human beings act out their fantasies as children would do the same, playing with dolls or trucks. At other times, I feel that human beings, under the guise of an avatar or persona, act out as in real life, where humans also don fake identities, not unlike SL. I noticed in many places I visited, some of the conversations around me involved a lot of flirting between genders (i.e. “That’s a cute outfit”, ;) - winking, referring to the opposite gender, usually female, as babe, etc.) which again points out to SL’s role as a giant, virtual pseudo-pick-up joint.

Role-playing was present in both avatar experiences in that they were shaded by my desires to be accepted as who I am, as someone I aspire to be, or as someone I am not. Acceptance was the primary goal in the world of Second Life for me, perhaps not unlike real life, and the journey taken towards that goal can be easier or harder depending on the type of persona you choose to act out via a virtual self and most importantly, via the act of imagination. Just like that box full of delicious vegetarian pizza lying on the ground at that camping site, an avatar cannot be consummated, cannot be realized as in real life. I cannot taste my second life the way I can taste a slice of pizza in real life, I can only imagine what that slice tastes like and hence the disengaging and alienating aspects of avatars and Second Life. Imagination is key in virtual worlds, because without it, you cannot function, you cannot be.

piecing together leads about the Danforth

Continuing to my last post from Adventures in Greekland, Aaron, Michael and I are finally in unison, and I am researching our topic by calling several organizations that may have public archival collections.

October 3, 2008
Spoke with Greek Press Archives: Mr. Tassos who said that they have an archival collection at their office on Pape Avenue
Tassos gave me instructions to identify the dates we wanted, also they need to know the scope of our search, we need to send a letter to Board of Directors about our project and they will give us permission to search the archives. The PRESS ARCHIVES are only in GREEK.
He also mentioned that St. Dimitrius Community Centre has a library with archives, even though when we spoke to a representative at the community centre initially, they were reluctant to tell us much about their archival collection and they were very vague about the existence of an archival collection.
Some other information I dug up. Several published books on the Danforth including:

Mouratidis, Mike - instrumental in archiving a lot for the Greek community
His wife is President of a Cultural Organization
Published a book History of the Greek Community 1909-present
Has lots or resources on the Danforth area

AND:
George Gekas –Business Administration Prof at Ryerson, member of Board of Directors at Greek community has published books on history of Danforth

Searching for these books at the Ryerson Library and other libraries, I come up with nothing, several times. Must search again and perhaps call these individuals.

Also spoke with Greek TV OMNI's George Trialonis. They have many stories on the history of Danforth, and gentrification of Danforth. He is willing to give us the rights to the footage, but we must clear it first with Supervising Producer, Ms. Soares at OMNI TV.

Phonecall to Ms. Soares was taxing! As Supervising Producer at Omni Television,
she asked for a detailed email about our request, including what kind of visuals we want to use, how much we need and where it will be used. She was indignant on the phone with me after I had asked her about acquiring the rights to the footage should we want to use it commercially. She has not returned my detailed email. I must send another email.

Adventures in Greekland

Yesterday, Aaron, Michael and I went in search of the holy (research question) grail, setting out to conquer Danforth Avenue with our wit, intelligence and research-savvy conviction. The result was less than spectacular, although as research goes, 10 hours -one panic attack -one freak-out and one great conversation with our research supervisor Marusya later, we are on track, and in consensus on our topic which explores how Danforth Avenue's true Greek spirit and ethnic community is remembered and chronicled in traditional and media archives (with some sub-questions attached.)

Analyzing how memory and history intersect with public and private archives of a specific community (I initially had major problems with this concept but now, I think I am more clear on it), the implications of gentrification and commercialization of this area of Danforth, along with cultural interests competing with corporate interests are some ideas and questions.

When we started off the day, we were simply exploring and observing Danforth's Greek area, noticing how the authentic, ethnic Greek flavour of the street is being eroded by the Tim Horton's, Starbucks and Il Fornello's of the corporate world. Talking to some shop owners, such as Donovan of Elite Music, we were enlightened as to the transformation of this area and disappearance of the original ethnic character that was a part of it in the 70's and 80's, now commercialized for tourists and homogenized to fit into the mainstream corporate landscape inflicted upon most neighbourhoods in Toronto. In terms of the actual film, we were brainstorming on a "requiem" as Michael put it, an elegy perhaps to a bygone era, a remnant of a more vibrant period, a lament for a time forgotten or fragmented in memory, collective and/or private. "Lugubrious" was the operative word according to Aaron, in terms of the tone for our film.
Later, we went digging in small, hidden places such as the Greek Community Centre on Pape Ave. where some rude administrative assistants gave us the boot. Venturing into a Seniors Club or Men's Club, I had the cringe-inducing opportunity to ask a few seniors about where to go for archival sources related to the Greek community or any other leads to centers.
Next, searching for O'Connor Street and Nefeli Greek Theatre, we set out to find the first elusive community centre, and after dialling 411 and soul-searching in the desert-sun (a few tumbleweeds later) we caught a bus that took us out in the middle of the Sahara Desert. Slugging along, my impatience and fatigue setting in, Aaron keeping up the team spirit, we miraculously found the community centre on Thorncliffe Park, as part of Saint Dimitrius Church.
At the community center, we spoke with a lovely woman who gave us some leads we can contact by phone and complete our preliminary research.
Later, armed with 6 or 7 hours of digging and investigation, we convened at Aaron's place to hammer out that proposal and get things organized, only to run around in a few more circles again with our wording.

After a few pages of written work, brain-wracking and a consultation with my professor friend Dr. Mary, we came upon a consensus (only to be broken by myself the morning after...)

In spite of everything, we are in accordance of our team goals. Marching along, marching along!